Existential well being

Western culture focuses on happiness although human beings look for a sense in life, for which they are willing to sacrifice happiness. 

Our society highly values materialism which causes prosperity diseases and a diminution of happiness and preaches perfectionism which causes a focus on lacks instead of positive aspects. 

We need to let go of the fixed idea of a perfect life to be able to experience existential reality. Existential well being increases when we create an environment that values natural talents in stead of demanding the unrealisable.

Subjective wellbeing is based on the hedonist approach of satisfaction and happiness whilst eudaimonia focuses on the goal in life and self realisation. 

Professor in psychology Mia Leijssen describes existential wellbeing as playing with the dimensions of existence. Empathy, autonomy, freedom of choice and meaningful connections with others are crucial elements of existential meaning. 

Leijssens work emphasizes the role of love, that benefits the social, physical, personal and spiritual dimensions of existence, which are essential for existential well being.(Leijssen 2013)

Love influences health. Human beings are naturally directed towards others, towards being appreciated and loved. 

We can not survive without others: we need to mean something to them. The harmonious combination of love and knowledge enables people to deal with situations in an appropriate way.

Gratitude, joy and wonder are mostly experienced in life threatening situations or during negative experiences. Gratitude, the attitude of feeling blessed, is closely connected to appreciation, the cognitive recognition of value. 

The personal dimension:

Loving, friendly, non critical self reflection is present in the personal dimension of authentic self knowledge. Compassion and self acceptation lead to forgivingness and optimism in case of difficulties. 

A sense of inferiority is the main threat of self respect. 

The basis of each healing process is self love, the cultivation of positive feelings towards oneself. Self love is a condition for authentic love towards others and the exploration of the world. 

Provided that one reflects and accepts oneself, it is possible to feel lonely in a positive way, in contrast with the intrapersonal loneliness characterized by self alienation and dependence of others' judgment.

The social dimension:

The social dimension concerns the non judgmental connection with others.

Empathy is a bare necessity in the social dimension in order to experience authentic attachment relationships and to accomplish a healthy development. Compassion, between empathy and altruism, is essential to feel others' situations with the intent to help.

The physical dimension:

The physical dimension contains elements as the love for the body, nature, vitality and comfort. A healthy eating pattern, exercise and the acknowledgment of the boundaries of the body are useful to feel good.

The spiritual dimension:

The soulful spiritual dimension is characterized by life questions and values as truth and wisdom. The dimension helps us to see our individual existence in a broad context to surpass self interest.

Wise individuals are marked by empathy, emotional concern, listening skills, self knowledge, the realisation of one's limitations, righteousness, tolerance,  a non selfish life orientation, insights in human interactions, openness towards new experiences and values aimed at insight, personal development and social engagement.

A peaceful mind is able to stop constant thought, to observe signals without any judgment. 

Existential well being is to be found and accomplished in human hope and buoyancy. 

It all starts with love. Time to reflect and ask yourself how you love in life.

http://ppw.kuleuven.be/home/onderzoek/klip/medewerkers/leijssen/mia-leijssen

Free course in existential wellbeing:

https://www.edx.org/course/existential-well-being-counseling-person-kuleuvenx-ewbcx

A view on the concept of emptiness

In Western culture, emptiness has a negative connotation as it is often associated with depression. 

In Eastern society, the Buddhist concept of emptiness is known as śūnyatā,  a key element to liberate the illusive mind from mind labeling and suffering. 

The ideas of emptiness, alienation, boredom, anxiety, suffering and despair were crucial elements in postwar existentialist philosophy and literature. 

Although it has historical roots in Greek and medieval philosophy, the fundaments of existentialism derive from German philosopher Martin Heidegger's Being and Time(1927).  

This philosophical movement is centered on the recognition of individual existence. 

The absurd, indifferent universe has no intrinsic meaning or purpose. Living in a crowded city, performing work without a passion for it, superficial entertainment, ... enhance the empty, unhappy feeling of human beings.

In contrast to "Pour soi ", Sartre described "être en soi" as a self deceiving state of inauthentic existence, in which an individual avoids responsibility and the freedom of choice. 

Existentialists believed all individuals should face emptiness and be responsible for their actions, by choosing and shaping their own destinies. As soon as a person accepts the concept of emptiness, he will accept the responsibility to live an authentic life by exploring his own possibilities. 

In order to understand human existence, authenticity is necessary. Responsibility, autonomy, commitment and integrity are all necessary ingredients for a meaningful self chosen life. Self-defining individuals freely choose which projects they engage in. These projects of self- understanding reveal the meaning of existence and one's identity. 

As Jean Paul Sartre said: "Existence precedes essence".  

The essence is what we make of ourselves, what we choose to be, who we become.

The struggle for female rights still goes on

Time magazine wanted us to strike out the word feminism because the aggravating term is used too often and has little meaning. Time was annoyed by the association of certain celebrities with the word and called out to return to the essence. Managing director Nancy Gibbs has now apologized for including the term in the execution of the poll.

This semantic discussion about feminism proves that some still struggle with a kind of resistance to the term which simply means female emancipation. Banning this crucial concept would be ridiculous.

An objective background about women's struggle for "equal" rights is needed for everyone who wants to understand their position in contemporary society.

Women had to fight for their rights in this patriarchal society. History shows very clearly the painful oppression of women. Learned gender roles have caused misconceptions concerning the qualities of the sexes.

Catholicism, which still discriminates women, portrayed men as far more important than women. Men were allowed to go outside whereas women had to stay at home to do the household.

During the sixteenth and seventeenth century two hundred and fifty women were burned at the stake for alleged relations with the devil. Harmless physical features such as warts were seen as evidence of a contract with the devil. Often the victims were women with little capital and interests in herbal medicine. The end of these witch persecutions coincides with the end of the religious conflicts.

In 1792 Mary Wollstonecraft pleaded in A Vindication of the Rights of Women for a thorough change in women's situation. Her arguments derived from the ideas of the age of enlightenment. Many of these women who fought for their rights during the eighteenth century were decapitated.

Author Olympe de Gouge(Marie Gouze, 1748) first used political theatre to defend her ideas but soon opted for genuine political action. She was the first to zealously advocate social security. In her Déclaration des droits des femmes de la citoyenne(1791) Olympe demanded all rights for women. Two years later she was executed by guillotine.

The first conference for women's rights was held in 1849(Seneca Falls). The abolishment of slavery, the right to vote en the alteration of the marital contract were on the list of demands.

During the first feminist wave the right of education, the right of executing a profession and the right to vote predominated. A clear distinction between the proletarian and civilian women's right movement at that time is to be made. The first fought against the abominable economic situations whereas the latter emphasized the feminist equality idea.

During the nineteenth century many countries experienced the arise of women's organizations. The suffragettes had to campaign for the right to vote in militant protests because they were not being taken seriously.

The twentieth century was labelled by female pioneers. Married women were finally allowed to have a saving's account, to earn their own salary, to be a legal guardian.

The second feminist wave occurred in the nineteen sixties and seventies. This period of flared feminism manifested different ideas and political groups. The problem of the oppression of women was their communal problem. Five groups are to be noted.

Existentialist feminists such as the intelligent French author Simone de Beauvoir applied existentialism on the role patterns between the male and the female sexes. De Beauvoir aimed to ban all ingrained prejudice. Le Deuxième sexe(1949) denounced women's role of the second sex. She openly criticized the female as the object of the male. To free female identity, she emphasized the importance of the existentialist idea of women's responsibility for their own life. Existentialist feminism is based on De Beavoir's analysis of the human condition. Socialization processes have caused role patterns, consequently they can not be justified biologically. According to the existentialist vision women can define their own fate by choosing freedom. They should liberate themselves from marriage and motherhood, emotional dependence and the search for male approval. In addition women need to dedicate themselves to develop their intellect, to participate in the reorganization of society.

Socialist feminism criticized the capitalist influence on patriarchal ideology, victimizing both men and women. Capitalism should vanish to alter the role of the female.

Equality feminism refers to Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique(1963) about the misjudgement of women caused by the attention to their roles as housewives and mothers. It is opposed to the unequal rights of men and women as a consequence of the stereotypical roles of society. Their purpose is the offer of equal development changes for women by participating in societal life and government.

Liberal feminism is convinced that each individual should develop maximally in a righteous society. They see reason as the most important human factor and demand an egalitarian society.

Radical feminism is based on the belief that sex inequality is caused by hate towards women and by male oppression. They believe female sexuality and motherhood have been made subordinate to male wishes and desires. Radical feminists work in three ways: individual liberation by discussion groups, social liberation by means of political actions and liberation from traditional male organization forms. Their purpose is the elimination of the class system based on the sexes. Their propositions vary from androgyny to the glorification of female culture.
 
These five feminist ideologies may overlap. Simone De Beauvoir was also a equality feminist and elements of existentialist and liberal feminism can be found in equality feminism. Although the visions differ, these women were able to co operate for their communal aim: the female right of self determination.

Although female rights have been realized on paper, women are still being paid less for the same job. Now where's the equality in that? More than often these acquired ideals aren't naturalized. Sexist stereotypical role patterns are still being used as an excuse to reject women.

Nevertheless the struggle for equal rights and the improvement of the female position stays a matter of importance for the entire society. If certain communities wish to let patriarchy flourish under the cloak of cultural and religious values, the alleviation of female right violations will be impeded.

Up to this day many women are still considered to be inferior creatures.

The ego era

Social media allow people to stay in contact with hundreds of "friends". Twitter, Facebook and Instagram portray perfect lives in words and photographs. The question is whether social media make individuals happier or whether they turn us into more narcissistic creatures...

One tends to forget that social networks are being constructed around the ego, which unfortunately plays a prominent role in popular culture.

Researchers believe social media have an impact on a person's self image. In addition they think the way a person represents himself on social media could determinate his self image.

Social media do enhance the amount of digital social responses.

In average individuals look at their smart phones one hundred and fifty times a day, once every six minutes. Obviously it stays a challenging quest to deal with this swiping in a healthy way. For some the overload of impulses is hard to accept. When people are absorbed by the social network, they tend to cultivate their own image instead on focussing on the interaction with others. There's a clear correlation between facebook usage and enhanced exhibition scores.

Researchers from Western University of Illinois state that facebook appeals to our narcissist tendencies. People who regularly update their facebook status, tag themselves in pictures and have a large number of friends, are more likely to demonstrate traits of narcissism. They also demonstrated that individuals who spend one hour or more a day on a social network, have increased levels of narcissism.

Ego psychology emphasizes the role of identity, experienced by a person as a sense of self. Narcissistic tendencies can be found in normal range levels. Healthy ranges are essential for one's self image and -respect.

Named after the Greek myth of Narcissus, Narcissism involves high levels of self-absorption and conceitedness.

The characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder are excessive self-love, inflated self-admiration, self-centeredness, an excessive need for admiration, a tendency to overestimate personal abilities and achievements, extreme sensitivity to criticism and a constant need for attention. Narcissists lack empathy, are unable to recognize others' needs and expect a lot of those around them. These masters in exhibitionism( attention seeking behavior) and the manipulative exploitation of others for selfish ends tend to socialize with people who admire them and avoid social situations where their superior brilliance will fail to be noticed. When being challenged or criticized, they may become aggressive to achieve respect from condescending critics. They often daydream of fame, power, influence and envy others' successes.

Narcissists tend to look for appreciation in social media. The Me generation shows narcissist behavior. Their genuine interest in others is decreasing while they increasingly attach importance to fame, ego and money instead of less shallow values. The focus is on sharing each and every detail of their live to evoke response.

Shouldn't it be: be the best me instead of showing off the best look at me- and my selfie me?

Meet Epictetus

Greek Stoic thinker Epictetus(50-138) believed humans are disturbed by the irrational and attracted to the rational. With a calm psyche the endless possibilities of the ratio become visible.

A layman in the art of life is discontented with what he has and spends his time on bodily matters such as drinking, overeating and sexual actions. A good man tolerates everything with bravery, makes the best of his life.

The aim in life is to desire nothing but self control, freedom and contentment.

Epictetus divided reality in two crucial categories: what is in and what is beyond our power. The only good is the accurate insight in what we can and can not control. Good and evil are only present in our opinions about events, not in the events themselves.

All unpleasant impressions should be analyzed on accuracy. Fear and confusion are caused by our negative opinions on what is beyond our power. Once an individual realizes that things are beyond his power, they can not affect him anymore.

Each individual is responsible for his sadness or negative emotions. This means we can influence and control our own mind. When we engage in avoiding negative reactions which equal negative emotions, we are able to positively want each and every event. We can always be free, righteous, reliable, honest and thoughtful.

Each striving(orexis: everyone strives for the good) is fixed on the good while avoidance(ekkisis: avoidance of the bad) focuses on the bad. Success in striving and avoidance leads to happiness. Apatheia, a necessity to live a serene life, occurs when the well balanced, developed mind bans negative emotions and is successful in striving.

There's one way to happiness: to stop worrying about matters beyond our will. The essence of a happy life is to want things as they are instead of what you would like them to be. A wise man wants to accept. The elimination of desire results in freedom of the mind. The renunciation of what is not within one's moral choice leads to imperturbability.

" All human beings seek the happy life, but many confuse the means with that life itself. Wisdom is revealed through action, not talk".

Albert Ellis: Rational Emotive Behaviour therapy

American clinical psychologist Albert Ellis (1913– 2007) developed the Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) in 1955. His Institute for Rational Living was founded in 1959 to promote REBT.

The founder of cognitive behavioural therapies(CBT) was influenced by philosophy(Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius) and psychologists as Karen Horney, Alfred Adler, Erich Fromm and Harry Stack Sullivan. Rational therapist Ellis also worked with sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and elaborated on the topic of human sexuality and love in a number of books and articles .

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy is based on the belief that the client's philosophy contributes to his emotional life. Emotional problems occur when we refuse to accept reality.

It is the individual's perception of reality that causes suffering.

Anxiety, guilt and depression are caused by how people think about events. Our emotions influence our view of ourselves and others. Each emotional tension(fear, depression, anger, guilt, self-pity) comes from irrational thinking. Irrational thoughts are the crucial causes for psychological problems. Negativity is caused by rigid self talk. 

The REBT method aims at identifying non-adequate, problem causing, self defeating, irrational thoughts to replace them with adequate, beneficial, realistic thoughts. As such the client is able to influence his emotions and behaviour.

Critical thinking and approaching events in a scientific, logical manner can help to accept reality.  The more rational and realistic one becomes, the less emotional anxiety will occur.

Rational analysis, cognitive reconstruction and coping strategies are applied to change irrational beliefs and behaviour to replace catastrophic thinking with seeing stressors as challenges.

The essence of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy is a hopeful vision on human emotion and includes taking responsibility for psychological discomfort.

Read more about Ellis' theory:

The Art and Science of Love. NY: Lyle Stuart, 1960.

Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy. NY: Lyle Stuart, 1962.

A Guide to Rational Living. Englewood Cliffs, N.J., Prentice-Hall, 1961.

Humanistic Psychotherapy, NY McGraw, 1974 Sagarin ed.

Identity and appearance in selfie culture

Liesbeth Woertman, professor in psychology at the University of Utrecht, declares that the proportion of self-idolization in society is weighing heavy upon human contact. Nowadays the ideal of beauty seems to be more important than ever.

A sense of emptiness and insecurity about ourselves, caused by the lack of meaningfulness and stable family-ties, seems to evoke an obsession with our body, which we think to control by means of diet, sports and plastic surgery.

Woertman sees selfie culture as a metaphor for society. The focus on the self is prominent in the virtual world, where the appearance in form of a perfect body seems to be of great influence. The urge to expose one's private life, to sell oneself as a sexual object seems to typify our selfie culture. Instead of photographing others or the environment, selfies are taken because we need to be seen.

As genuine social contact has been replaced by being watched, consequences on the quality of sexual relationships have been noted. When an individual is only focused on his image, he becomes an object that dehumanizes the other.

The quality of meaningful sexual relationships declines when an individual is primarily focused on himself and his own arousal as he doesn't pay attention to the other.

This distorted impression of sexual behavior is also caused by porn, often watched before the first actual sexual experience, and by advertising. Television and internet remain the reasons for a negative body image. This narcissist emphasis on appearance brings about phobic behavior, insecurity and panic attacks.

According to sociologist Zygmunt Bauman, social media are often used for the echo of one's voice, for the sense of control instead of the social skills needed to explore the world.

An individual's self-concept includes a personal and a social identity. The development of social identity can only manifest through relationships with others. It is a life-long task that changes along with the social roles that come with age. In order to avoid inferiority and ego problems, a conscious use of social media is advisable. Let's not forget to live together.

Material obesity or experientialism

Due to the Industrial revolution and mass production objects became widely available and affordable. Thrift was replaced by enthusiastic consumerism. This over consumption in society was a bare necessity for economic growth.   
Nowadays the individual and society suffer from the excess, which results in mobility problems, climate change, credit crisis and stagnation of the economic growth.
Too many possessions distract the mind and crowded rooms have an effect on our peace of mind.

Neuro anthropologist John Allen from the University of Southern California declared that our living space is strongly linked to the view on ourselves. The reorganization of our house gives us the feeling we can change our lives. 

There's a need for cultural shifting: to switch over from a high living standard to better quality of life. With material obesity causing stress, a return to the simple life lived in the middle seems to be the essence.  Temperentia is the moderate means between asceticism and indulgence. 

The essence of life is to be found in the essence of existence(from Latin existere): the experience, the conscious knowledge that derives from personal activity and practice. Inner experiences are reflections, sensory experiences are sensations. The empiricists were guided by experience, to them the sole source of knowledge.

Professor of psychology Daniel Gilbert from Harvard University says experiences make us happy because we first look forward to them, then we're glad to go through them to eventually be left with lovely recollections.

German philosopher Immanuel Kant(1724-1804) believed all knowledge is related to experience, without experience knowledge becomes impossible. Sensory perception and reason as the highest cognitive ability should go hand in hand. His writings focused on critical thinking with the use of self criticism to find truth and enlightenment in ourselves. 

Danish thinker Sören Aaby Kierkegaard(1813-1855) gave a new meaning to existence. The founder of existentialism analysed human existence as a reality one should experience instead of a problem to be solved. After Kierkegaard existentialist philosophy, with historical roots in Greek philosophy, was further developed by Sartre, Camus, Marcel and Heidegger, whose existence precedes the essence.

Maslow's fully functioning individual is open to new experiences, people and ideas, for life in general. A healthy individual experiences as a child, wisely using his organism. With his open personality and self knowledge he applies his experience to observe and express himself. 

To be intensely involved in the experience of life, its fulfilments and predicaments, is the best way to live consciously. Simplicity helps to maintain the equilibrium of avoiding extremes. Interpersonal relationships colour our lives

Pleasant experiences enrich life, matter can not in long term.
Quality before quantity, or simplified: less is more.